Like every Hindu married women, I used to keep Karvachauth fast every year.
Since childhood, I have seen my mom to had this fast. She used to wear red or pink colour suit or saree, bangles, all kind of shingar. I still cherish that moments when festival seemed too much fun and family time. Even I had started to fast on karva chauth when I was 11 or 12 years old. I really didn’t know the meaning of the fast but I liked the way all rituals were performed at home. Mehndi on both hands a day before karvachauth , sargi time at 4:00 am in the morning, katha time in the afternoon by my grandmother then waiting for the Moon in the night and have lavish dinner after puja. Seriously, so much fun it was.
When I got married, I saw that my in-law’s family is not the believer of fasting but I been told to keep Karvachauth and Ahoi Ashmtami fasts. These two fasts in our traditions are for husband and children. So, I was more willing to continue every year for the well-being of my husband & family.
First karvachauth after marriage is a big celebration in itself, a newly married woman goes to her parent’s house for celebrating Karvachauth along with her husband.
But my husband was not happy with this fasting and he always explained me to stop fasting on Karvachauth. Every year, on the fasting day, we had an argument over this topic and I end up crying.
I continued this fast for 5 years after our marriage and then I stopped fasting on Karvachauth last year.
Somehow I got convinced by my husband logic. We had a long logical discussion and I was able to figure out the root of fasting. I am glad I came out of the hollow tradition.
Some arguments that pushed me to think deeply about the topic.
- If this is a fast for well-being and long life of your life partner, do you have license that nothing will happen to your partner when you perform this ritual. When he asked me this question then my clear answer was “No”. How can I predict something when nothing is in my hands?
- Do you think that your husband is really like a second God? Then why some wives dis-respect their husbands on days other than karvachauth? Every couple have arguments (quarrels) sometimes, and of course you can’t argue with your God. I did not see any point of lying to myself. My husband is my friend, not my GOD.
- Are you fasting because of love or fear? I always said that the fasting is because of my love. He asked, then why fasting only on Karvachauth? You can pick any other day and devote your day in fasting and prayers for your partner. But I know in our Hindu traditions, it’s like mandatory fast for Suhagan. Not fasting for your husband is considered “Apshagun”, and you are afraid of the consequences. The root of my fasting was fear and finally I was able to accept the fact.
- Do you think that the fasting has more power than your love for your partner?
That changed my thought process entirely!
If my love, trust, beliefs are 100% true & positive, then I think those are enough to protect my husband from any evil, why to depend on a one-day fast. If our love and relationship is so strong then I am not dependent on such things like fasting once in a year for my husband.
- Do only husbands need a long and healthy life? Why not wives? Men & women should be treated equal. Rather than keeping fast for each other, I was convinced to leave fasting. We are now equal and happy with our decision.
I believe, the purpose of this fast was to make a strong relationship with your husband and I have made a strong bond with my husband after I stopped fasting on karvachauth. I am happy because he is happy.
18 thoughts on “Why I stopped Karvachauth Fasting”
Hi Neha and all others,
I love the glamour of this festival and the energy people put in carrying it on despite feeling famished and dehydrated. I think this tradition was made to serve as a reminder-do it right(your duties) or else you will feel the pain. But I wish that we change that and celebrate our marriages without starving and feeling thirsty. We should have positive thoughts and commit to keep working on making our relationship better. Pray Gods for their Blessings.
I got gallstones because of fasting which resulted in gallbladder surgery. On every KarwaChowth my kids would get scared if mom will survive this year after fasting or not. This is a sexist old tradition, my husband would fear if I didn’t fast correctly, he would die.
I think we should enjoy this as an auspicious day to celebrate and strengthen the bond of marriage together.
Stay well and Keep Smiling:)
I have been fasting from the past 15 years without giving any thought to it. I fasted during my pregnancy also but after so many years, for the first time I am pondering over it. I see myself as an ignorant person who was part of all this drama maybe because of in-laws pressure or from society. But this time, I just don’t want to be a part of this rat race where someone love is being tested on capacity of her being starved for long hours. And in addition the pressure of buying things, getting ready and wasting whole day in meaningless chores and ultimately get tired for consecutive day. Relationships are build on trust and mutual respect and not just by treating one person like God and the other being servant in service. Your article has given me more strength in taking my own stand rather than living in guilt.
Neha can u share did u follow any ritual before ending it forever as their is a ritual to start it too. As we just don’t end it suddenly without proper ritual . it would be of help if u can share before coming Karwa chauth.
Hello everyone i have read everyone’s post here. I would also like to share my story with u all. I belong to a sikh family where no one believes in fasting traditions. But my mother and my bhabhi only keeps karwa chauth fast. I used to see my mother and my bhabhi doing all the rituals and i loved them doing. But when i got married i was told by my mother-in-law that we don t believe in karwa chauth or any other fast. She told me to keep only first karwa chauth
n told me rest r ur choice if u want to continue or not but we don’t believe. I agreed n said i will continue rest also. But then next year my husband disagreed for the fast. We had arguments i cried also. I kept fast for 2 years. Then i got pregnant. N everyone told me u should not keep fast in pregnancy. I agreed with everyone n i did nt keep fast. But then next year again i wanted to keep fast but my mother inlaw did nt agree. She said u cannot keep once u have stopped. N my husband too does nt like this. This has disturbed me.
Thanks alot I was in a big problem don’t know how to get proper understand. As I m Christian and married to hindu. We don’t believe all those fasts and traditional festivals. But I fasting in fear of any supernatural events. But now I can leave that fast. And be strong in my loving relationshrelationships rather than fasting.
This article has given me much needed confidence which I have been contemplating for many years. My husband has never believed in this fasting thing and has always said this doesnt guarantee that nothing will happen to him if i fast. After all these years of arguing and just following the tradition because of fear mongering, I continued. I just told my mom today that I wont be keeping this fast this year and onwards and she said she will consult with some family seniors and get back to me. I dont know why seniors need to decide our iives in our culture.
Anyways, I just want to say that this thread brought a smile to my face 🙂
Thank you all for sharing your experiences and giving each other confidence.
Ritika…am also Reetika and I’ve decided from this year onwards to stop keeping karvachauth fast and I didnt consult any seniors…just informed my mom and elder sisters and all they told me was its completely my decision and I should do it only if I have belief in it.
But after losing my dad last year who suffered due to his health for all his life …and my mom till the last year used to keep without water fast for him.but after he is gone my belief from this fast is over!
So do what u feel is right for you and what makes you happy…not for anyone else..not even for your husband!!
Goodluck and be strong.
Thank God !! Someone had the courage to write this up. I am sick to my stomach explaining the same thing to my wife. Finally, this year was different. I will probably share this with her. Cheers.
I love my husband he is my love…my friend..my care taker n everything to me…but fasting for one day doesn’t qualify u or anyone being a loyal..loving n protected to ur husband..God is great!..
We are the children of God..he knows the way how to awake the people at right time..everyone is evolving..when one clicks this idea depends on their level of evolution ..everything depends on one’s understanding…thank God for providing every little understanding between customs n own intelligence…
Such a clear way of telling the truth. Karwa chauth is actually a day of Ma Karwa, who took an oath not to eat anything when she was struggling to save her husband. It was that only one day. Indian people started to imitate without knowing reality. Are our husbands in that same condition struggling for life, then why do we take fast unnecessarily? Rather we need to ignite our love with prayers throughout the year for our family, not only on KarwaChauth.
Yes,we are honest for our family .there is no need to do this..husbands do not do any brat for their wives .now I don’t want to do any vrat.but I love my family..
I have been debating this for sometime so I decided to google and found your article. I totally agree with everything you said. I love festivals and celebrations but over the years we let go every other part of this festival – no mehndi, no pink/red clothes, no new bangles – just fasting so it lost the charm and I started questioning why we keep it. My MIL is not happy with me and I am still fighting myself to make a decision but still wanted to send my note to you for making the right deciison
Totally agree to each and every point.
I just did it once after marriage, considering it was my first one after marriage.
My friends and family are still in shock for the fact that I am not fasting. Lol.
For me karva chauth day is just like any other day.
Glad that you are not part of that massive race 🙂 It was not so easy for me to prepare myself to stop fasting on this day which I continued for many years.
But trust me when I decided, I felt really light and relaxed. It was a sense of achievement, achievement of taking the right decision in life. No matter how hard it will be for others to accept.
Hello, my name is Sandhya Panda and I’m from odisha. We celebrate Savitri bratha once a year for wellbeing of our husbands and children. I also don’t believe that observing Savitri puja and fasting keeps our husbands and children happy and healthy, but I still do it just to follow traditions and for the scientific reasons. My husband has the same philosophy like Pradeep ji has and I respect that. I started to break my fast at the dinner time and I eat with him.
If a women observing Savitri puja would save her husband’s life, then my jiju wouldn’t have passed away after a few days of my Didi observing and fasting Savitri puja for her husband. So I strongly believe that all women should come out of that fear that if we don’t do puja for our husbands and children on that one day, something bad will happen to them. Instead, have faith in God and the suprim power and do your duty towards your family.
Dear Sandhya thanks for writing your views on my article. Yes, there are too many fasts which Indian women keep for her husband and kids. I think, its a time to be conscious in our actions that’s only gift which we can give to our next generation.
I also want to stop doing this vrat now. Did u do any ritual to stop doing this or just suddenly stopped it?
I do believe that fear , superstition and forced traditions should not be a reason to observe any ritual including Karvachauth. But there is no right or wrong as far as the decision to observing or not observing the fast goes. If it makes one happy, or if someone does it as an excuse to cleanse out the body while having fun day with friends and family, or even if simply out of faith, it’s fine too. What has always bothered me is forced tradition or fear to be the underlying reason.
Traditionally gujjus don’t even do Karvachauth, but I started doing it with my friends and have a fun day with them, putting henna, cleansing out, breaking fast together and laughing with my hubby and friends about how filmy we look holding the chalni and touching hubby’s feet… btw my hubby touches my feet right back and we are even:) He tried to fast once too SRK style but frankly it didn’t go well with him:)))) So he dropped the fast, and continues to help extra around the house and i rest and relax and have fun. Works better for us:)
If I decide one day to stop it, no one’s going to be bothered. But I kinda enjoy the day.
Wishing happiness and bliss to all!