Like every Hindu married women, I used to keep Karvachauth fast every year.
Since childhood, I have seen my mom to had this fast. She used to wear red or pink colour suit or saree, bangles, all kind of shingar. I still cherish that moments when festival seemed too much fun and family time. Even I had started to fast on karva chauth when I was 11 or 12 years old. I really didn’t know the meaning of the fast but I liked the way all rituals were performed at home. Mehndi on both hands a day before karvachauth , sargi time at 4:00 am in the morning, katha time in the afternoon by my grandmother then waiting for the Moon in the night and have lavish dinner after puja. Seriously, so much fun it was.
When I got married, I saw that my in-law’s family is not the believer of fasting but I been told to keep Karvachauth and Ahoi Ashmtami fasts. These two fasts in our traditions are for husband and children. So, I was more willing to continue every year for the well-being of my husband & family.
First karvachauth after marriage is a big celebration in itself, a newly married woman goes to her parent’s house for celebrating Karvachauth along with her husband.
But my husband was not happy with this fasting and he always explained me to stop fasting on Karvachauth. Every year, on the fasting day, we had an argument over this topic and I end up crying.
I continued this fast for 5 years after our marriage and then I stopped fasting on Karvachauth last year.
Somehow I got convinced by my husband logic. We had a long logical discussion and I was able to figure out the root of fasting. I am glad I came out of the hollow tradition.
Some arguments that pushed me to think deeply about the topic.
- If this is a fast for well-being and long life of your life partner, do you have license that nothing will happen to your partner when you perform this ritual. When he asked me this question then my clear answer was “No”. How can I predict something when nothing is in my hands?
- Do you think that your husband is really like a second God? Then why some wives dis-respect their husbands on days other than karvachauth? Every couple have arguments (quarrels) sometimes, and of course you can’t argue with your God. I did not see any point of lying to myself. My husband is my friend, not my GOD.
- Are you fasting because of love or fear? I always said that the fasting is because of my love. He asked, then why fasting only on Karvachauth? You can pick any other day and devote your day in fasting and prayers for your partner. But I know in our Hindu traditions, it’s like mandatory fast for Suhagan. Not fasting for your husband is considered “Apshagun”, and you are afraid of the consequences. The root of my fasting was fear and finally I was able to accept the fact.
- Do you think that the fasting has more power than your love for your partner?
That changed my thought process entirely!
If my love, trust, beliefs are 100% true & positive, then I think those are enough to protect my husband from any evil, why to depend on a one-day fast. If our love and relationship is so strong then I am not dependent on such things like fasting once in a year for my husband.
- Do only husbands need a long and healthy life? Why not wives? Men & women should be treated equal. Rather than keeping fast for each other, I was convinced to leave fasting. We are now equal and happy with our decision.
I believe, the purpose of this fast was to make a strong relationship with your husband and I have made a strong bond with my husband after I stopped fasting on karvachauth. I am happy because he is happy.